This and That (Friday Post)
This and That (Friday Post)
Am I a writer or nah?
Am I writer? That’s a question I ask myself almost daily. Depending on who you ask, the answers can be very different. Some will say no if you’ve never published anything substantial. Some will say yes if you write and love to do it. And even others will say no because they’re just plain assholes and couldn’t write if their lives depended on it. So what do I think?
Well, I think I am because I believe I am. Except for a time in high school, I’ve never cared what others thought of me or what I’ve done. I have lived my life for myself and have achieved every single goal I’ve set, no matter how long it’s taken. When it comes to writing, I believe that I will write a book that someone will love, even if it’s only five people. Because to me, that’s what being a writer is. To create a body of work that resonates with someone, that may change their lives and open their hearts to what’s possible. The more I’ve read, the more I’ve become one of those people. Yes, I still am a moody bitch at times, but I’m also someone who sees different perspectives and understands that everyone is not the same. That the queer kid trying to make it through the day deserves love and acceptance. That disabled people have love lives and dreams. That getting older is a privilege and still full of possibilities and adventures.
During lockdown, I joined NANOWRIMO (before it imploded) and wrote what is now becoming a young adult book. Never in a million years did I think I would ever write a novel. My plan was always to write a short story collection (which I may still do someday). That experience reminded me that I can write really great work in a short amount of time with little to no prompting. That is my superpower. I’m not one of those people who can write every single day and never will be. But when I get the urge, I can write thousands of good words until I run out of steam before leaving them for months at a time. Hell, I wish I could write every single day, my damn book would be done by now. But that’s not me.
One of the best examples of my spur-of-the-moment writing experiences was when I went to Spain in 2017, before Covid, masks, lockdown and social distancing. The trip was for a class I was taking at NYU and it was one of the best trips I’ve ever taken. The memories I have from that experience are core memories that I will cherish forever. I had to write my paper on Goya’s Black Paintings, which I saw “for real life” (shoutout to Bluey) when we visited the Prado Museum in Madrid. They were as stunning as I imagined, specifically “Saturn Devouring His Son” (Saturno devorando a su hijo). That painting is HAUNTING. Saturn’s eyes as he looks at the viewer are full of sorrow and horror. His body is bent in old age and fear and shame. I could not stop looking at it. After, I wrote what I call “Saturn’s Response” and it took me only five minutes to write. Outside of the Prado, I read my words to my professor and classmates because I felt so proud of what I’d written. Even if they didn’t like it, I didn’t care. I LOVED WHAT I WROTE. And yes, they all loved the piece, so much so that my professor told me to please keep writing and some of my classmates went back to the Prado to see the painting again.
So do I think I’m a writer? Fuck yeah, I do!
Now, for the first time since I read this piece in 2017, I’m sharing it with all of you. Enjoy!
Saturn’s Response
What are you looking at? Don’t look at me! Don’t see me! I know what I’ve done. I know. I am a mad man, and a sane man. I am evil, I am just. My child was life. My child was alive. He tasted like youth and promise and possibilities. He smelled like hope and new mornings and love. True love. I smell like emptiness. Like the last days. Like the end of time. I taste like lost dreams, bitter arguments and lies. My child was unbroken by life’s harsh lessons yet to come. I am stiff from its never-ending pain. It’s blows smashing me down to nothing. My son had eyes full of wonder and endless adventures. Mine only see fear. And loss. And madness.
My child was to be my salvation, my new beginning. He is now my eternal shame, my act a pox upon all of my houses. But I will finish this thing. For I do not deny my greed and will satisfy my lust for all he possessed. I will tear his limbs, rip his flesh and swallow the essence of him. I will become him or die a madman.
Do not look at me! Do not see! Unless I am my son. Then please, please, look.
What I’m Reading
Gantz, Omnibus 1 - I started reading this weird manga last week after watching FoxTaco’s Interview with the Vampire reactions on YouTube. He has a ton of manga on his desk, most I’d never heard of so I zoomed in on what I could make out. I’m still not sure what the hell is going on, but I’ll keep reading.
Pluto, Volume 1 - Another manga on FoxTaco’s desk I was able to make out and this one I’m really enjoying. It’s about the murder of a beloved robot that is being investigated by another robot, which is trippy but also kind of cool. I have a feeling I’ll enjoy this one more than Gantz.
Bitter Root Omnibus - A graphic novel about the Sangerye Family, monster hunters during the Harlem Renaissance. I had never heard of this series until I came across a Thread by one of the creators. Luckily, the New York Public Library had the omnibus so I’m starting this behemoth later tonight.
Dominica - I have had this book on my shelf for the longest time. And now that we’re in Latin Heritage Month, it’s high time I finally read it. The book, written by Angie Cruz, is about a young girl named Ana who dreams of moving to the US from the Dominican Republic. She receives a marriage proposal, says yes and moves to NYC, where life is not what she expected. When Ana’s husband returns to DR, she becomes who she’s always wanted to be. I’m mad I waited to so long to read this book.
What I’m Watching
Uglies - I just watched this film on Netflix before writing this post, and it wasn’t bad. It’s adapted from the book series by Scott Westerfeld. It’s a dystopian story (aren’t they all) where normies, called Uglies, are sent to a prison-like school until they turn 16 and become Pretty. Of course, being Pretty isn’t all it’s cracked up to be and that’s all I’ll say about that. I watched the whole film and look forward to the next installment. Just know, NONE of the people in this film are ugly. Like absolutely none of them. If anything, the surgery makes them look incredibly weird, like they’re wearing a filter.
Kaos - I just finished this series on Netflix and it’s so good! Jeff Goldblum as Zeus is perfect casting. He is all types of unhinged, exactly what you would imagine Zeus would be. We’d better get a damn second season or I’ll RIOT.
Industry - This fourth season is WILD! Pierpoint is in crisis mode and Harper is getting her lick back. I really want her to win but we’ll see. Yasmin’s father really did a number on her and I’m not sure what’s gonna happen. But I want my girls to come together and do their own thing. But both of them are so broken they can’t help but implode.
Queen of Tears - It’s been a while since I’ve watched a K-drama because they absolutely wreck me (I’m talking to YOU, The Glory). I’ve heard good things about this one so I’ll give a shot later tonight.
Have a great weekend and thanks for reading!